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Zen and The Art of Not Texting Back Right Away

For those of us who become infatuated quickly.

by Phil Santos




For those of us who become infatuated quickly. Entering into romantic territories that exhilarate, but don’t feed us what we need.

For those of us who will take what we can get. The time with that person is so special, but like, why won’t they commit to us?

We want to set boundaries.

But their sweet suckle of emotion, touch, scent — it draws us in. It knows us. At times overtaking our bodies with passion.


The Infatuation Trap


It’s a sad and draining fantasy to feel passionately romantic about someone who‘s only lukewarm about you.

You’ll try to win them over. And you’ll lose your spine trying to become whatever version of yourself you think they’ll like.

You can stay in the relationship. Processing and journaling can help mend the inevitable tiny heartbreaks. But processing the pain of falling in your infatuation trap won’t help you get out of it or avoid another one in the future.

The best way to avoid the infatuation trap is to force yourself to practice walking around it — like a relationship kung fu master. A zen trainer of your desires.

You don’t see the trap. You don’t acknowledge it’s existence. You breeze by focusing on the steady step of your feet. Merrily, merrily…


The Slow Text


It’s a game. The next time your boo boo who isn’t really your boo but like, totally should be, texts you.

Don’t read it right away. Don’t even look up from what you’re doing.

Play zen meditator and see how long you can go without giving into the narcotic buzz of that special person’s attention. Train yourself to acknowledge that they care about you, and you still have a life.

This person might fulfill some of your needs. But as long as you’re prioritizing them above your own goals and hobbies, the fundamental mismatch in what you’re both looking for is going to erode any chance of a mutually healthy relationship (whatever that means for you.)

If you, like me, often find yourself over-invested in people who can’t really give you what you need, then the slow text is your new self-care bicep curl.

Now get in the gym, boo boo.


Find more by Phil Santos here

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