A new definition of the word Love and some magic ingredients to manifest it
Are you constantly looking for love in all the wrong places? Never meet anyone with whom you truly click? Think you found someone who checks the boxes, then they ghost?
You're not alone.
Seems like fewer and fewer people are finding genuine love. And when you consider data like the high divorce rates, and people getting married later in life, if at all, one must ask: Is love really what we think it is? Some fairytale Hollywood story complete with dramatic fights and a happily ever after? Doesn’t seem realistic. It’s time for a new definition.
What is love?
What is it actually? Is it a thing? Is it an action? Is it a person?
We’re repeatedly told to seek out this elusive ‘love’ story, that we rarely stop to consider what it is we are seeking. Or if we even want it, for that matter...
We’re tirelessly reminded that finding a romantic partner, someone to love, someone who is ‘your love,’ is very important. In fact, as the delusion goes, romantic love has such a profound effect on our lives, that obviously we should make that the sole purpose of our existence. We should seek ‘love’ to no end, searching far and wide for one single human being who can put to rest all of our stresses, impurities, and suffering. So we go looking for them believing ‘they’ are out there. We take it seriously. We go out of our way to find ‘love,’ and put faith into computer algorithms on apps or websites and reality tv game shows to make a match. We want ‘love’ and we want to believe it is the delusion we're always shown. We want to believe that it means forever.
Yet we also use language like ‘I love chocolate ice cream,’ as if the word love could single handedly encompass a range of feelings so broad as to include both the way we feel about a cold snack AND the way we feel eternally bound to another human being.
Something doesn’t add up.
Maybe we should stop to consider what it is that we’re really looking for. What IS love? And do we need to look outside the self for it?
In an effort to move away from conventional (and clearly broken!) ideas about what love is, and put a rest to ‘the search,’ let’s update our understanding of love, and consider some ways to manifest it for ourself!
Think of times when you’ve felt Love. Capital L Love. The genuine kind.
Come up with a few words to describe the feeling aside from the word love.
What other feelings are present? What sensations do you recall?
Some contemplation shows that experiences of genuine Love could also be described as experiences of connection, harmony, joy, flow, gratitude, peace, lightness, happiness, fulfillment, oneness with what is…
Love is so many things. But genuine Love isn’t a Hollywood storyline or fireworks. It’s something so much more.
Similarly, the majority of true experiences of genuine Love are neither romantic nor sexual in nature. They’re small moments of connection like a good conversation, sharing a nice meal, or one of my favorites, giving. They’re times when energy is effectively exchanged in a balanced way. They are moments of singing with children, laughing with friends, or even finishing a tough physical challenge. They are moments of overwhelming joy, renewed hope, faith, trust, surrender, and presence.
Upon this logic, if Love could also be described as harmony, flow, gratitude, connection fulfillment, oneness with what is...We must take it a step further and ask: What are the sources of these other things? What are the sources of fulfillment, flow, or peace? Where do harmony, joy, happiness, gratitude, (insert your words here) come from?
As we redefine love, we shift away from unrealistic spontaneous happy-ending expectations, and opt for a more sustainably cultivated garden of genuine Love. We forget the delusion that a cake will appear, and realize we have to bake it ourself. Our updated definition inspires us to manifest meaningful real connection and the kind of gratitude that comes from within. Because when you are whole from within you can share wholeness with others, so they too can manifest Love, and be one with what is.
The Recipe for Love: Magic Ingredients to Manifest It
So if you're going to redefine and manifest genuine Love, aka make a huge purple fluffy sprinkle cake for yourself, you’ll need some magical ingredients. According to the #UnicornTheoryofLove there are 4 magical ingredients to manifest genuine Love: simplicity, discipline, intention/reflection, and Kindness.
Simplicity is about making space. Simplicity means removing superfluous and ‘extra’ in its various forms in favor of the more basic. We go around trying to fit so much in, spiraling uncontrollably into the chaos, making complicated plans and worst of all: creating unrealistic-over-the-top expectations. We forget that genuine Love is simple. It’s easy. It doesn’t need your convoluted intricate schemes. It doesn’t need overthinking. Simplify. Cut out the extraneous. Unravel and leave out the inessential. See what remains as Love in its most basic, true form and start to redefine what love is.
Discipline as a magic ingredient for manifesting genuine Love is about effort and follow through. Discipline is a practice that cultivates tools of self-control and will power. It is a nudge to do the work and put in the time. Life will always present challenges and obstacles. Life will ALWAYS present challenges and obstacles. We must develop the self discipline to approach this with ease. There will always be things we don’t want to do, but discipline doesn’t care. It looks the other way and takes a blind eye to you, and what you think you want. Discipline is preparation for life’s many ups and downs, and shows us how and when to hold on, or let go. Discipline is the oil that keeps our machine running smoothly, without which love arrives strained and impure.
Intention/Reflection are magic ingredients about awareness. Intention is about awareness preemptively. Reflection is about awareness retrospectively.
Intention is consideration of purpose. Intention is setting an aim and knowing your objective or anticipated outcome. Intention is about thinking things through so you can efficiently and effectively achieve a goal. When you have a clearly identified intention, it is much easier to reach your objective. Kind of like going to the grocery store with a list (intentional) or without a list (unintentional.) We usually leave with a lot more unnecessary stuff and junk when we go with no list. Same applies to life.
Reflection talks to awareness after the fact. Reflection means looking back with consideration at your steps, and being more aware of the entire process. Reflection is an opportunity to refine. When we reflect or contemplate we can make new observations and weed out frivolous steps and streamline the process. Reflection means looking back and noting how we can improve, so that next time (with simplicity, discipline and intention) we are better.
The final magic unicorn ingredient in the mix is kindness. This is the rainbow sprinkles and chocolate drizzle on a sundae. But interestingly, it is also the subtle flavor of the ice cream itself, and the sweet lingering taste after, and at its core, kindness is the thing that makes our sundae taste good and want more. Kindness is about softening, about doing more and giving more and adding that rainbow glitter element (or whatever/however it comes out of you!) Kindness is about operating from a place of genuine Love by redirecting your thoughts, words and actions towards good, always. Kindness is pure, authentic and comes straight from the heart. Strive to share yourself from this space. Consider how you, by being kind, can positively impact the lives of others. Even if you lose the other magic ingredients, keep kindness. Kindness Matters.
Eat Your Cake!
If you want to manifest genuine Love in your life, or better said, if you want to manifest harmony, oneness, presence, fulfillment, connection, or joy, mix four magic ingredients, that are totally free, don’t require a trip to the grocery store, and promise to produce a fruitful harvest. Keep things simple, be disciplined, set intentions and reflect on them, and meet all things with kindness. Is there work involved? You betcha! Is it easy? No way! Is it scary? Hell yes!
But, it’s worth it.